Because You Knew
by allinthesocks92
Summary: It was love at first sight and Emma has loved Regina since that moment as a child. Will it be young love lost or the start of a beautiful life? "When I saw you I fell in love and you smiled because you knew" AU Swanqueen.
1. The Return

**A/N** I don't own anything. Also this just kind of popped in my head. I have literally never written ff before, just a reader but I though why not.

I grew up in a town that has never seen no one new in the 20 years that I lived here. Occasionally we would have outsiders stroll in from just south to try their hand at catchin the best lobster in the country, but no one that stuck around.

Maybe because of the harsh winters that would have anyone runnin for a mug of hot chocolate and a seat by the warm fire.

Other people like to say it's because our town has magical properties that we're all interconnected in some inexplicable way that binds us all together. I say it's a load hooey and I just want to get the hell out of dodge; the only thing that may link us all is inbreeding.

Don't get me wrong the people are nice and we're a good sized town, a couple thousand people living mutually in the quaintest place you ever did see. It's nothing like the big city of Boston, we're not quite so refined and we tend to work jobs that are more 'hands on.'

Even on the hottest days of August it doesn't rise much over 80 so people here are always strolling the streets looking for something fun to do with the dreary days. We're really outdoorsy folk you could say because there's not much that makes up our town.

One main street that begins with the saloon that's run by Granny where everyone gathers for meals and good black coffee, all the way down to the pawnshop at the end owned by sleazy Mr. Gold.

He thinks he runs this here town because he was the first to settle and makes more money in a year than all our salaries put together, but I never really figured out how except that everybody owes him something. Favors and money, he runs on pure unadulterated greed; I think he would try spinning straw into gold if it was possible. He does bring in all the supplies; he seems like the only person that ever leaves this darn town.

You can holler from Mr. Gold's to all the way past the Saloon and still be heard on the other side so you better believe word travels fast around here. Storybrooke, Maine our town damn near named after fairytales. You'd think exciting things would happen here but normally all there is to do is watch the dust settle or gossip, a favorite pastime of many. I'm just biding my time for something extraordinary to happen either that or hitting the road to Boston.

...

I'm the sheriff of this old town but man if that ain't worth a bucket of spit. My job is more like chasing dogs and hallin' old drunks to the cells to sleep it off.

A female as a sheriff is pretty unusual, but I kind of got it by default. Were a small town and everyone else had their specialty already, their families at home, wanted nights off but me I didn't have nothing tying me down.

I live with my ma and pop, they're not too much older than me on account of everyone likes to get married real young here and my ma well she got herself pregnant before she had a promise of marriage.

It's strange having parents that are only 14 years older than you. You would think it would keep them off my back but it seems to be quite the opposite.

My father used to herd animals all over the place from NY to Maine and back just to make enough money, but once my baby sister was born he moved back home and now he resides as my deputy. He still has a bit of pride about that, his own daughter giving him orders.

My ma works at the school teaching all the kids, being the daughter of the only educator you'd think I'd be a smart one, but hell I skipped school more than anyone else. And then there's little Ruth, the little ball of slime that came screaming into this world 10 years after me. Yes she was a surprise but I dare admit a good one. She wears dresses just like my mama likes, though she can be a little spunky herself. Running around pretending to be the princess of United States just because she shares the same name as President Cleveland's daughter.

...

Basically I'm the town's old maid at 20 years old, even Mr. Gold has a beautiful wife that waits on him hand and foot. That's what I'd like a wife. Coming home to sweet breads and a nice hearty meal. Someone to wash your clothes and hell maybe even take care of a few children.

I brush away that thought because what man would want to do that for me, and I sure as hell wouldn't be doing anything like that for a sorry son of a bitch.

I've tried dating the boys around here, Killian though I like to call him stump 'cause he got his hand cut off working down at the docks. Well not only is he missing a hand but maybe a few manners, he sure is a cocky one.

Neal well he is about as smart as a frog with a scorpion on his back, gullible and always willing to give into to his dad's schemes. Oh yeah that guy's got more problems than the rest of us because his father is the one and only Mr. Gold and he serves as his errand boy.

And not too far back there was August he was the one I was the closest to do anything with loving, liking, so on and so forth. With a nickname like woody you'd think he would have no problem, but nope the kissing was awful and his personality is the only thing that's stiff as a board if you get what I'm saying.

Don't get me wrong all of these fellas turned into to some of my best friends but man are they not marriage material, at least not my kind.

My best pals though since I was knee high to a grasshopper are Red and Graham. Red's grandmother is Granny who owns the saloon but man is my best friend a looker. She puts all of us other girls to shame. She likes her dresses unlike me but when they get old she makes some interesting modifications. She pulls those dresses out at night and wow does she show off some leg and they seem to go on for miles.

And then there's Graham, you're probably asking why I didn't date him, mostly because he's like a brother to me. I look at him and can still picture his bare white ass when we would go swimming in the ocean as kids. We have a special kind of connection; people here are all really outgoing and love to talk everything out. Graham and I have had some of our best moments sitting up in a tree thinking things over and not speaking a word, we retreat into ourselves, our own little ideal world in our head.

We three never did quite conform like everyone else. When we were kids on summer days we'd go off into the woods barefoot and disappear for days, swimming, camping and hunting like real wild ones. That all had to stop a few years back when we finished up school and had to find real jobs. Here you become a real adult at 15, but on weekends we sometimes sneak back out to get muddy and commune with nature once more. We're the ruffians around here we drink and gamble at night and get our hands dirty doing hard work in the day.

...

Though our town might be small don't be deceived we have lies, secrets and betrayals just like anyone else. Hey my own damn existence was one. You see my dad David was supposed to marry Kathryn whose family is pretty well off in our town.

Well he was seeing my mother Mary Margaret on the side and they apparently couldn't keep things to themselves. Cheating at 14 it was unheard of, that was until my dad told Kathryn and she started crying tears of happiness and snot running down her face.

Apparently she was getting some on the side too, a little mix and match and they both became the ideal couples of Storybrooke.

...

So here I am sitting out on the porch with my dog Goofy, I just call him Goof most of the time. He was the last one to start walkin' out of his liter and when he did he just started flopping all over the place. He would pick up his legs stick straight and walk around like his joints were glued together. He's a smart one now though, he knows how to the follow the scent of every single person in town and he always noses my leg when he smells 'em coming.

Well this day I have my hat covering my eyes, it's August and unusually rising up into the 90s, so my eyes are drifting closed. Something's not right though because Goof is nudging my leg and barking, he doesn't do that with people that he knows.

Sure enough horse hooves can now be heard clamoring into town and I squint real small to see who's coming out of the summer heat. When an unexpected visitor comes everyone stops, forgetting about work and huddles near their windows or blatantly comes out and stares in the streets.

The horse comes to stop. The face of the woman on top of it glowing as the sun illuminates it from behind almost obscuring that angel face. As the woman swings a leg down I feel my heart quicken, familiar footsteps. All of the sudden Goof stops his incessant barking, it's like he knows her scent even though he's never met her.

A scent that lingers around the town like a ghost, sweet like apples and honey but with a tinge of sweat and spice. Suddenly brown eyes lock with my green and if she recognizes me her eyes don't show it. All I can muster are the whispered words "_Reggie…"_

* * *

><p><em>AN I hope you will take a chance to read the next couple chapters! This chapter was more setting the stage, the rest gets more into their history and the updates are a bit longer :) _


	2. The Falling

**A/N** Still not mine. This is mostly a flashback to their first meeting, flashbacks are all in italics the rest is the 'present.'

_Suddenly brown eyes lock with my green and if she recognizes me her eyes don't show it. All I can muster are the whispered words "Reggie…"_

...

My throat is stock dry, clenching and unclenching. A pounding in my chest, my head, my ears, am I moving, am I breathing? I'm not even sure if my whisper has made it any farther than my own ears.

Then I see it. There's a flinch at the corner of her almond shaped eye, a tug of a memory, maybe even another life. Because the woman in front of me is not my Regina, her hair still shimmers in the sun, dark chestnut with little waves of caramel throughout. Her eyes are still dark with a flash of gold just around the pupils. But the stoic look on her face, the slightly curled lip indicating her distaste is nothing I have ever seen before.

I can't help but stare at this. I wish right now that I was half-cut, so I could stop all the memories from wandering in. But the movement of her lip draws me to the scar just to the right of her cupid's bow and it hurtles me into a memory of many years ago.

...

**12 years ago**

_It was the turn of the century, electric light bulbs had been commercialized for manufacturing and home use nearly two decades before and Storybrooke was still in the process of getting itself on the electrical grid. I was eight years old and the 6 months it took to us to get electricity felt like an eternity._

_The town was having a celebration. The fish cannery had gotten lights and electric manufacturing which would up the production and the money made. This was a big pay off for everyone, seeing as half of our town worked there._

_We were going to have a feast in the middle of town and the big finale would be to turn on the main breaker to Storybrooke and finally get to admire it lit up like the fourth of July._

_Special guests were coming in from Boston, friends of Mr. Gold's the Mills family. They had helped invest in the cannery when Gold was trying to get the town up and running._

_Everyone dressed to the tens that night. I was stuffed into a dark blue satin gown, with black stockings and ruffled socks. My dad had polished my shoes until they shined like mirrors. My ma well she fussed over my short choppy hair curling it into little ringlets. But man was I not happy, the stockings pulled, the dress itched, and my hair was all in my face. I asked them why I couldn't wear the little suit that the George's boy had passed down, it had pants and was always the go to for when I had to get dressed up special._

_No one had seen a single sign of the refined family from Boston yet and the rumor mill was alive and kicking. They had heard that Henry Mills was a potential candidate for Senate, that Cora Mills was the prettiest woman in Boston and only wore satins and silks and that their sweet little Regina could speak 3 different languages._

_It was colder than a witches' tit but everyone was enjoying themselves drinkin' and having a good time. I was hiding out with Graham under the dessert table stealing all that we could and poor Ruby was practically still a baby sitting in her Granny's lap crying for her mama who hadn't comeback since the end of summer 6 months before._

_People started hootin' and hollerin' as Mr. Gold prepared to turn on the breaker. This was the most important thing to happen to our town in a real long while. We crawled out from our little den and I wiped the dirt specks and crumbs off my dress. The band starting playing a drum roll and then suddenly the whole town was lit up with one flip of a switch._

_As the lights came on I caught my first glimpse of Regina Mills. Wearing a red silk dress and white velvet pea coat with a fur lining, her hair perfectly curled. It wasn't her clothes that caught my eye but her smile, her flawless lips upturning and her eyes opening wide, an expression that was all mine right in that moment. It left pure warmth radiating throughout me down to my very bones._

_Who was this beautiful being I must know. Even at the age of 8 I could see her beauty and the kind spirit playing across her pupils. We met eyes and she lifted her hand to wave but I was a gone goose. Running fast as my legs could take me to behind the skirt of my mama's dress. I reverted to a small scared child because those eyes and that smile put a bubbling in my soul that I had never felt before._

_…_

_The very next day I was back to my ragamuffin ways, breaches and boots, hair sticking up every which way, lying up in my tree legs swinging. That tree was my favorite spot in town; I could see everyone and everything. Mama would drop me off on Saturdays and begin her shopping for the week, giving up on trying to reign me in._

_But today was different. Today there was a girl with raven locks and a frilly dress sittin' under my tree, reading a book._

_"Hey this is my tree."_

_"Pardon? This is yours, well I'm sorry it's in the middle of town and well there is no name anywhere so I thought I would be free to sit." She replies without looking up from her book._

_"Well that's on account of I can't write my name proper-ly"_

_This seems to shock her because her mocha eyes jolt up quickly_

_"Now what kind of girl doesn't know how to write her own name?" she begins to say haughtily._

_When our eyes meet her features quickly melt and turn into a smile._

_"Hey I remember you, where'd you run off to last night? And why are you wearing breaches?" she adds in as she takes in my appearance._

_"Well I just look ugly in some dumb old stupid dress…" clearly leaving her other question unanswered embarrassed. _

_"Why I think you were the most adorable thing there last night, that's why I hoped to introduce myself, but I suppose I could do that now my name is Regina."_

_"Well I don't want to be adorable." I said kicking up dust, eyes fixated on the ground. _

_"Well at least tell me your name…"_

_"Emma" I huffed still staring at my own scuffed up shoes._

_"Emma, what a lovely name. Would you mind sharing your tree with me today Emma? My parents have many business meetings and left me with little to do."_

_"I suppose so but if you're going to hang out in my tree we gotta give you a proper nickname"_

_"What's wrong with Regina? Occasionally people call me Gina, but my mother doesn't like nicknames, she says they're unrefined."_

_"Nah that's too boring if you're gonna hang with the guys you gotta have something cool, tough"_

_"But you're not a boy"_

_"Nah but I'm just a pinched faced tomboy, not as pretty as you" I wanted to eat my words as I saw the red blush stain her cheeks._

_"Okay I suppose I understand."_

_"How 'bout um- Reggie, like the first part of your name."_

_"It'll do I suppose. You know, it's my first real nickname" she smiled a smile that reached up and kinda crinkled her nose._

_"Oh Regina get out of the dirt and come on, we have tea time soon and then you need to do your studies." Her mother quickly approached and ripped her from my company and she didn't get to say another word, just a small wave and another smile that crinkled her nose._

_…_

_From that day forward she was my Reggie, she never did notice that no one else really used her nickname. But for the glorious week she was in Storybrooke I said it as many times as possible because I loved the feeling of it rolling off my tongue._

_I didn't get the full presence of her company again until the next Saturday. She was sitting under the tree again reading a different even bigger book._

_"Reggie!" I was embarrassed about my inability to hide my enthusiasm and stopped short._

_"Welcome on Emma, take a seat" she insisted looking at the spot beside her._

_"I got a better idea lets go up and talk for a while" I said pointing to the branches._

_Her face got this real uncomfortable look, the edge of her mouth tried to turn up into a smile but her face was revealing everything._

_"Have you never climbed a tree?" I said with the most astonished look on my face._

_"No, in Boston we don't do much of that, when I'm outside it's mostly just reading in the back garden."_

That was the first time Regina got my signature eye roll, and she got that cross look and huffed a little like she couldn't believe I would agitate her with an eye roll. That was the beginning of us, the stubborn back and forth, with our horns hookin' and fighting for dominance.

_And then to my surprise she agreed…_

_"Alright little Em show me how I to properly climb this tree."_

_"Don't call me little! Just follow me, I'll get you up safe and sound"_

_We got to the very last branch you could sit up on, I musta been showing off because I never climbed up that high. But whenever I looked back at her, that shy smile and eyes full of trust I got that fluttering feeling again and couldn't quite think right._

_We spent hours up in that tree. She told me about Boston and how she loved the city and all the shops. How they had taken a train all the way to Portland but then had to take a carriage the rest of the way here. She spoke to me in French; she said she had been studying it for 10 years ever since she was 2 toddling around learning basic words._

_She asked me about Storybrooke. I told her all about my friends and how I liked hanging out with the boys, shooting arrows, and riding horses. Her face broke out into a smile as I told her about my adventures. Her cheeks didn't dimple but formed two large and beautiful semi circles framing her mouth. I noticed her beautiful pink lips, I had never thought of them as pretty but hers made me want to run my fingers across just to see if they were soft._

_But the longer we talked the more we envied each other's lives, her living in a big exciting place and me having the comfort of a loving town and family. Reggie didn't have many friends and she said her parents were always gone; she just wanted to make them proud. I told her how I didn't really fit in, how I always heard snickers behind my back. People saying I was ugly and needed to dress like the other girls._

_We were too young to see the real pain behind our confessions and to really understand how to truly comfort one another. We tried our best, she wrapped an arm around my neck and I put mine around her waste in a semi-embrace._

_"Reggie I'd be proud of you no matter what you did, just be who you are right now sitting with me in this tree."_

_"Emma you are exceptional, I've never met anyone like you, please don't allow others to make you change."_

_That was it. I was in love, with a girl from another state, four years my senior and absolutely beautiful but I was smitten and that's what that damn fluttering meant._

_We climbed down that tree, me first so I could be her fierce protector and make sure she got down safe. I was staring up at her twelve feet off the ground, when her foot slipped. She came crashing down and so did my job as her knight in shining armor._

_Her hands and knees caught her against the hard ground but quickly gave out, her angel face hitting the roots and rocks below. She laid still and my voice quivered…_

_"Regina, are you okay?"_

_She turned over, her stockings all ripped, hands and knees skinned, dress covered in dirt, and just to the right of her cupid's bow was torn, weeping drops of red blood down her face._

_She had tears in her eyes, but her face got determined and she stood and brushed herself off, laughing gently at the mess she had quickly become._

_"Let's get you to doc right quick, he can clean all your scrapes in no time."_

_"Are you sure that's necessary?"_

_"Yeah Reggie, you haven't seen you face." I offered a light giggle_

_..._

_We preceded down the street me trying my hardest to hold up half her weight. Despite her being 12 I was almost as tall as her and worked well as a crutch._

_Doc ushered us into his office, we popped up onto the exam table. I was apologizing over and over as she stared at her torn lip in the mirror._

_"It's nothing Emma"_

_"But your pretty face" my ears turned red when I heard those words come out of my mouth._

_"I mean… your…um… will still be pretty no matter what… uhh not in a strange way, am I being strange?" I sputtered._

_She silenced me by grabbing my hand and intertwining our fingers. I just stared down at the mix of tan and pale skin intermingling, my hand found it's home._

_"Alright doc could you please fix me up?" she asked politely._

_Doc cleaned all the dirt out of scratches and put two little stitches in her lip putting her altogether again. She squeezed my hand against the pain, something I knew she wasn't accustomed to._

_Doc left saying he would phone her mother and she thanked him quietly._

_It was silent in the office; our hands now had sweat intermingling between them. Our legs swinging back and forth, mine as long as Regina's because I was all knees and elbows, and she was a petite thing._

_"I leave tomorrow Emma"_

_This statement broke the calm and my heart dropped. How could Reggie leave? She was my best friend and I had shared with her all my secrets, at least all that an eight year old could have._

_In my mind I wanted to ask her to stay to marry me, not some stupid old boy, that dumb and confusing eight-year-old brain again. I knew she just loved me as a friend nothing more and did I even understand romantic love?_

_I turned my head to stare at her in the low light, which was the first time I noticed the golden rings around her pupils unlike anything I had ever seen. I leaned up and kissed her stitches our lips slightly touching unmoving._

_It was purely platonic, we were children and I just wanted to kiss it better like my ma always did, it seemed like the right thing to do. The moment my lips grazed her chapped ones to reach her stitches I felt something new._

What I didn't understand then was in that moment I was ruined for anyone else. Regina was my beginning and my end. My 8-year-old self could never comprehend that but it explained why everyday after that I died a little waiting to see my Reggie's face just one more time.

_She looked confused, shocked, another thing she had never experienced before._

_"Didn't your mom ever kiss your hurts better? Ma says love makes it heal faster."_

_She shook her head slowly and glanced back at me her cheeks tinged pink._

_"No Emma I don't think I've ever been loved."_

_That was the last thing I heard Regina say before leaving Storybrooke. Her mother came in grabbing her hand and admonishing her about her unladylike behavior. She looked back and smiled that smile, the one that made her nose wrinkle. A smile I only ever saw her use on me._

_…_

It all came back to that damn scar…


	3. The Resisting

**A/N Back to the current, uncovering just a little more about their relationship. How will Regina react to seeing Emma? **

* * *

><p><strong>Present<strong>

I had been yearning for this moment for years now. There had been thousands of times that I thought about trying to find Regina. After a vivid dream about the first time she came to Storybrooke or when I would sit up in my tree and the wind would carry back words said long ago. And now here she stood in front of me. No searching, no warning, every bit as beautiful as that first night in her red satin dress.

If that pull of the eye told me anything she heard my mutterings but she made no acknowledgment. Her brown orbs mapped my face searching for familiarities, perhaps a confirmation of what she heard.

I had an ugly mug as a kid and the last time she saw me I was still coming into my own. I was 13 with mosquito bites for tits and still a little too skinny for my frame. My face though was chubby and I kept my hair real short, but man did God have other plans for me…

I hate to say it but some people would say that I'm down right beautiful. Hard labor chiseled out fine toned muscles and my face thinned out showing off my nice bone structure, my mother's strong chin and high cheekbones. I had chosen to grow out my hair long so that my natural curls could flow or I could pull it back in a braid if need be. Turns out I became a mighty fine 'lady' in these parts.

Now I'm watching her eyes track from collarbones to hips, all the way to my toes, her pupils darkening ever so slightly until they returned to my face once more.

"Regina Mills, I am here to see the Sheriff, I was told he could show me around town and to my residence." Typical Regina disregarding formalities and getting straight to the point; voice sharp and unemotional though, it registered harsh in my brain, she had never used that tone with me before.

"Well if he existed then perhaps he could, but there is no he just a she and you're lookin' at her." I replied back with as much sass as I could muster.

Her eyes met mine for the first time, reducing to slits to see if this was some kind of inane joke. I held her steady gaze, yet all I yearned for was to hear my name roll off her lips.

"Well I suppose that you'll do dear. Now how did a woman go about becoming sheriff of this town?" I couldn't tell if this question was sincere or just a polite way to begin a meaningless conversation. Hell the damn woman wasn't even acknowledging our past.

"Well it's a truly long story and I don't suppose a woman like you has any time to listen to someone like me." Hit a woman where it hurts Swan. I see here face go from stoic to wounded and then back again in mere milliseconds. A lightly veiled insult about the last time we talked, the last time she refused to listen to my pleas, my words of anger and fury, the last time when she left me alone and broken hearted.

...

Her eyes were now staring down at Goof and he was staring right on back. He moved a paw forward and then another until he could get right up close and pick up a nice whiff of her scent, she seemed slightly alarmed.

"Awe don't worry for nothing Goof won't hurt you, he's logging you into his big book of scents. He's a German shepherd one of the first of his kind to be born in America, has a good sniffer that could find anyone in a rainstorm."

Her face cracked into a grin as she leaned down to pet Goof who loved the attention from a pretty girl. But to see her get to his level practically sitting in the dust and allowing a big ole lick to swipe her face, I knew my Regina was still in there somewhere.

"Ms. Mills let's get your horse and we'll walk on over to Granny's and get him boarded" This snapped her out of her reverie, she stood up brushed herself off and regained her holier than thou posture. How any woman could look so good in a riding jacket and leggings I could never figure out.

"So how did I not hear that you would be coming into town?"

"Well I'm not sure. That would seem inept on your part, you are responsible for keeping this place safe are you not?"

"This was clearly kept on the down low missy so out with it"

"Well I suppose my husband did want it kept quiet, he plans to come in and run for mayor, bring some legitimacy to this small town government…"

She didn't see me slow, my face felt hot and my ears were burning. I felt nauseous and my stomach was suddenly in knots. This was the answer to the question that had been running through my head. I knew she was going to get married, someone as pretty as her. I suppose when she showed up alone it gave me hope that my wish was coming true, that my Regina had come back for me.

"Well that's nice, I heard they were planning on finally installing a mayor in these parts."

"Yes, well Leopold is a… good man, he should do a fine job." The way she stumbled in her descriptors gave me pause, a woman in love she would be overjoyed for her husband would she not? And yet Regina complementing someone where it's undeserved was strictly unheard of, yet that's what it seemed.

"I'm not sure how the town is going to take to a stranger barging in, we don't take well to strangers."

"Really, I would say everyone is so welcoming, arms always open" He said earnestly, those were the first words she had spoken that were authentic and honest, her mind clearly fleeting back to memories of years past.

"Only for you Regina…"

My voice was hardly a whisper, our stares both following our own steps on the ground below. This conversation was getting too close, about to break the 4th wall of this act we had going. Saved by the arrival at Granny's another chance to put off the inevitable.

...

"Well here we are let's get Red to put your horse outback and then I'll show to your house if you know the address."

We moved inside. Regina was still silent whether it was because she felt no emotional ties or because they were currently overwhelming her, she refused to speak a word.

"Well hey there pretty lady what can I do for you…" Red asked as she moved from behind the bar, eyeing Regina from head to foot as if she were a piece of meat. Red had a sexual appetite that was voracious and it took a lot to be pleased. Guys, girls she appreciated anything beautiful.

My shoulder rammed into Red's chest.

"Red this is Regina Mills she apparently is moving into town." Well that wiped the hungry smile off her lips real fast, she coughed and sputtered, she knew all about Regina and seemed just as shocked as me to see her standing here.

"Am I going to have to administer CPR on this one or do you believe she is going to live?" snarked Regina

"Sorr-sorry, you just caught me off guard. Moving. Here. Why that's….nice, did you need a room?"

"Ahh quite the warm welcome. Yes I will require a room for a few nights my things should arrive tomorrow, as well I need boarding for my horse, thank you."

Red quickly moved outside to board the horse and we were once again alone.

"So I reckon you know your address. What is it and we can head that way."

"Yes I believe it is pertinent that I know my own address Sheriff. 108 Mifflin Street to be exact." Never ending sass with this woman

Of course she would move to Mifflin, our town is made up of pretty much three main streets, Main Street with the saloon and shops. Maddox Street the lower class end of town, home to my friends and family and Mifflin Street where the blue bloods lived, Mr. Gold and the high class that followed him here from Boston and some sweeping in from Europe years ago.

"Right, Mifflin. Bye Red, I'll be back this evening" I said as we moved away from the saloon.

"I believe it, don't worry I'll have a whole bottle on ice just waiting."

"Thanks, always a faithful friend." Just the kind of end to a day I would need after this one, something to drink it away.

If Regina read into it she revealed nothing, just a blasé face as we started out towards Mifflin Street. As we walked I was imagining the perfect life that Regina must have now. The life she deserved, with money and status, jewels and a closet full of clothes. Her own thoughts seemed to float as well, a mildly comfortable silence between us.

...

"108 Mifflin here we are."

Her brown eyes searched the perimeter, going from corner to corner, taking in the windows and perfectly white exterior. If it was up to me the house was just too big.

"Well it is quite beautiful," Regina stated.

"Yep sure is, let's take a step inside"

The floors were hardwood and polished perfectly, there was a grand staircase leading to the upstairs and a beautiful parlor with large bookshelves that Regina would fill easily just off the entryway.

"Well it is quite large"

"Yes it sure is Regina, I'm sure the space will be real nice"

"Yes… almost too much though. How are we to ever fill a house this size? It just feels so empty." Worry and almost sadness seemed to fill her voice. I thought Regina would be pleased by the size, showing off her husband's obvious wealth. She seemed innocent and honest in this moment, perhaps life wasn't all it cracked up to be.

"Well that's because it is, I'm sure it will be mighty fine once you put some furniture in it." I brushed off her looming unhappiness, almost wishing for the fake, high society Regina to comeback.

And in an instant there she was, immediately resuming the refined housewife role once more.

"Yes, that is very true, and I'll have to have some nice curtains made for the windows."

I moved to the staircase to sit, lounging back forearms on the step behind me eyes falling closed, giving Regina time to roam and take in the rest of the house. Her footsteps though brought her closer to me, like she was afraid to wander away in her own mansion. Apparently this place did not hold her attention but me instead. She stood before me just staring, I could feel her eyes burning holes into my face and hear her shifting from foot to foot.

"I can feel you staring Regina"

"How do you do that?"

"What? Sleep it's real easy lean back, take the stick out of your butt, relax and then voilah."

"No say my name like that, you've said it five times within the last hour and each time it sounds like... velvet."

"Velvet?"

"It's not a perfect description but I'm not sure how to describe it. It's disarming and too comfortable. How do you say it like that when we are but mere strangers now."

I laugh a laugh that I had never heard before, loud and boisterous yet full of fury and sadness and a million contradictory emotions at once.

"Strangers? Still denying that we know each other Miss Mills?"

I crack an eye to see Regina standing with her hands on her hips, the large foyer making her look tiny in size.

"It's White."

"Right Mrs. White, avoiding the question?"

"Emma…"

And there it was, in that instance I wanted to cry to scream, to hear her say my name was destroying my very being. It was the only thing I wished for within the last 7 years.

"No. You know what, you can be afraid to say my name and to get close Regina. You can deny that you wanted to come back and that you're scared to see what you destroyed in your wake, but you don't get to say we are strangers. You don't get to act like I don't know you. I suppose you can find your way back Mrs. White, if you need any further assistance I will be happy to direct you towards the correct source. Goodbye."

I didn't even hear the door slam. Or hear it open again. I didn't hear her yelling my name. I heard nothing but the pounding of my own heart beat. I felt white-hot fury, because I thought I was ready to handle all of it, to handle her, but I guess I was in denial as well. Maybe the feelings of love were no longer that, maybe over the 7 years they had morphed into hatred. No. If she had come back with love in her eyes then it would all be different but this. This perfect life, void of any feeling Regina this was my breaking point and what I needed was a very large glass of whiskey.

* * *

><p>AN The next chapter or two will go into their history from 7 years ago, Regina's second stay in Storybrooke. I promise to update as soon as possible!


	4. The Beginning: Part I

**A/N** This is the longest one yet! And it's only about half of their history from Regina's visit 7 years ago. In this chapter Regina is 17, Emma is 13 (soon 14 and entering into her last year of school).

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><p>I can feel my blood buzzing as I take another sip of whiskey. My skin tingles and is running hot as I rest my cheek against the cool wood of the bar. My brain pounds as it runs a circuit replaying this afternoon over and over. I erupted at her just like that night all those years ago. I feel guilt and oh how I wish it wouldn't swim around in my gut like so. She's the one who never sees me, who denies me, who urges me to do the same. To think about Regina and the lack of emotions she displayed today means I have to think about that summer. Could it really have meant so little to her?<p>

**_7 years ago_**

_The end of the school year found me in the woods late night with smuggled bottles of beer and my best friends; ready for one of our final free summers. Finally turning 13 this past fall meant being inducted into the young adults of Storybrooke. That meant beer, booze and boys or girls, depending on what your into._

_Our fearless leader was Daniel Young whose family ran the local stables and employed those that worked at the private ones on Mifflin. He was 18 and led the nighttime debauchery of the youth of Storybrooke but was the perfect and responsible gentleman during the common day hours. _

_Daniel was the older brother to me Graham and Ruby, for some reason he took to us though he seemed to hate all others our age. Daniel had spent a lot of time teaching me to ride as I grew up, my first three lessons consisted of him just calming me down as I screamed my head off refusing to get on the 'big hairy monster.' He taught me to love riding and to care for another living thing. This led to me spending my formative years following him around learning how to work the stables and yearning to be just like him._

_It was only appropriate that he was the person to give me my first sip of alcohol the day I turned 13 and we had been working on my tolerance every weekend throughout the school year since. But the beginning of summer meant the biggest party yet and the biggest hang over the next morning._

_…_

_I drug myself into the house long after the sun had risen past the horizon. I was covered in dirt and had one hell of a headache. My one goal in mind was a nice slice of banana bread and a cold glass of milk. _

_As I stumbled into the kitchen I was met with a stare of horror from my mother. Her gossip group- I mean church group was gathered around the table. All the normal faces were present except one new head of dark hair had joined them and had yet to turn. My dirty presence earned a few eye rolls from the gossip brigade, why mother was continually shocked they never understood. _

_I started to turn to get out of there as quick as possible, I wanted no part of their newest volunteering mission. _

_"Emma wait just one minute, please" my mother sounded out._

_At the sound of my name, the one unfamiliar figure jolted and turned quickly to face me. A familiar smile spread across the face and her nose began to wrinkle as her face filled with joy._

_"Emma I believe you know Regina. I'd like you to show her around after you clean up." My mother stated clearly hinting at a much-needed soak._

_Kathryn my mother's best friend and yes my father's previous betrothed piped up at this" Of course she knows Regina, she was all little Emma could talk about for months, years even" she said with a dramatic eye roll. _

Kathryn is the only person that would berate and embarrass me so publicly. She's a bit like me; loud and uncensored, and because of that she thinks I need an extra kick in the butt that my parents refuse to provide.

_" Kathryn you can't embarrass me in my own house, you've tried I'm now impra- imper-"_

_"Impervious" Regina provided with a sly smile, it made me want to reach for her but too many curious eyes. So I did the one thing that was uncommon to me: restrained myself._

_"Yes, impervious to your sass." I smirked_

_"We'll run along Em you smell like a pile of pig slop and look it too." Kathryn retorts and with that I retreat._

_…_

_I went to the bathroom to draw a bath but my mind can't stop racing. I spend 20 minutes soaking and scrubbing my hair, which is 15 minutes longer than normal. _

_I dry off and apply a scented lotion my mother always tries to bribe me to wear. The reach for the bottle was almost unconscious and my skin now smells of lavender. I walk to my room and settle in front of the mirror and comb my hair, still clad in only a towel._

_I'm focused on pulling the knots out of the ends of my hair and when I look up there is Regina just staring at me in the mirror with a dazed look. _

_She is frozen but seeing her up close I am anything but, I jump up from my seat and have her wrapped in my arms in seconds. _

_"__Reggie" I whisper into her hair. Her arms wrap around me and I can feel her heart beat against my chest; we've never been this close. My skin begins to prickle and get hot. _

_She's steps back and grabs my face in both her hands, our eyes perfectly level. Her eyes map my face. "Oh Emma how much you've changed, you look so grown." _

_She looks down and notices my state of undress, her eyes linger a moment too long at the slight gap at the top of the towel, purely unconscious I'm sure but it made my skin tingle. _

_"__How rude of me I came barging in without welcome, I just- I couldn't wait to see you. I hardly recognized you downstairs." _

_"__Regina you are always welcome," I say sincerely meeting her eyes; these are not words that come from manners but a desire to keep her around. _

_I step to my closet and pull out a fresh pair of leggings, blouse and my riding boots. "I see you didn't grow out of wearing breeches…" Regina notes. _

_"__Nope and well see the guys wanted to go riding today, first day of summer and all and well I thought you could come along and meet them." I said nervous that maybe she didn't want to know anymore about my life._

_"__That would be lovely Emma, I can't wait to meet everyone I assume it's the same gang you told me about all those years ago, though I do hope Ruby isn't such a big crier anymore." Regina comments, I smile seeing she still remembers the conversation in our tree. _

_"__So what are you doing here Regina?" I ask, holding my breath praying she is here to stay. _

_"__Well mother and father decided to go out of the country for the summer and Mr. Gold offered his home to me, I'm sure it was all Belle's doing. She told me that your mother would have plenty of opportunities for me to volunteer and work with the children." She seemed deflated at first, once again left behind by her family but her eyes glimmered at the opportunity to teach the kids. _

_"__I meant to write I did, but it was all so sudden and then I thought it might be fun to surprise you, but then you stumbled in quite literally so there goes that." She was hesitant and rambling, yearning for me to believe that she had truly thought of me. _

_I smiled at her the most glorious smile and she smiled back, we spent a few moments eye-to-eye reveling in the unadulterated mirth of being in each other's presence. "Reggie this is the greatest thing I could have ever asked for." She wrapped me in a hug a reward to fulfilling her hopes, that I was also glad to see her. _

_"__So are you free for your first afternoon of adventures?" I asked giddily._

_"__Yes, I hope you don't mind if we stop so I can change into something more appropriate for riding." _

_"__Yeah that'll be great and the boys'll love that your happy to wear a pair of breeches, you can stun them with your dolled-up beauty later on." I missed the blush that spread across her cheeks._

_…_

_We made it to the stables with very little pestering from my mother. I told her that I was introducing Regina around town and with one mention of Daniel my mother was thrilled, gushing over how handsome he was- if only Mary Margaret knew the kind of trouble he started. _

_It wasn't until Regina was changed that I was able to fully admire the changes in her. Her faced had lost the rounded baby edges and was more defined, her hair was longer and she had gotten a bit taller. It was her figure though, no longer was she one straight line but curves replaced her child hips and chest. Her chest was where my eyes kept wandering and I couldn't figure out why. I reasoned it was because I barely had anything there and her shirt was just a bit too tight stretching the buttons ever so slightly. I prayed to the God above to give me some of those. _

_I shook it off as we approached the barn hoping she didn't notice my wandering eyes throughout our conversation. I had learned why I didn't hear from her much after her visit. Not long after she left she was sent to boarding school, a year in France which she hated and then instead to a prestigious academy in Massachusetts. _

_"__Guys gather 'round, gather 'round" I directed to my friends who were lazily lounging on hay, traces of fatigue from last night still lingering. _

_"__Everyone this is Regina Mills alternatively known as Reggie." I hear a few cough and sputters that come from the direction of Ruby and Graham._

_Regina was like a mythical creature in their eyes they always heard me talk about her, raving on her existence and providing descriptions of beauty and intrigue but they had never met her so they began to doubt my claims. It was somewhat of a running joke that maybe Regina didn't actually exist. _

_Well color them shocked that a girl, pretty enough to be in the pictures stood before them. _

_"Regina this is everyone. That over there is August also goes by Woody. Then next to him is Neil occasionally known as Bae though really we just make fun of him because that's what his daddy calls him. Then Killian right there, don't be shocked he only has one hand so also known as stumpy. This right here is actually a girl, Tina but she goes by Tink. And then the two mangy mutts right here are Graham and Ruby but she goes by Red." _

_Regina had nodded and smiled at each one, taking in their ragamuffin features._

_In normal Ruby Red style she envelopes small Regina in a hug "Gosh I can't believe your real!"_

_A voice from just off the side breaks into the animated greeting "What about me Em, gonna introduce me to your pretty friend?" The suave and the always-smooth Daniel swoops out. I should have known he would spot her from a mile away; he's been looking for his princess and has already ruled out half of Storybrooke. He was essentially the catch of the town maybe lacking true fortune but not much else. _

_"Daniel meet Regina."_

_His eyes trace her features a little too long and they begin to twinkle, a goofy smile spreads across his face. I step a half-inch closer to Regina hoping to compensate for his newfound intrigue. He shakes her hand gently swiping his thumb across the back of it. _

_"It's a pleasure to meet you Regina. I hope I will get to see more of you this summer." It feels too intimate their eyes, the comment, and Regina smiles in response. Her smile is so genuine it reaches up and wrinkles her nose._

_My gut clenches at that, this wasn't her polite and formal smile but the one on reserve, the one I had a been the only lucky recipient of until now. I begin to sweat the kind that comes hot, quick and prickly, and itches under my arms. Something green-eyed begins to creep in._

_"Yeah I'm sure we'll see you around Daniel" I speak up for her._

_The group looks shocked though Daniel doesn't seem to think twice and goes back to work with a wave. Never had I brushed off my idol, my big brother but the only thought running through my head was that he could not take our summer._

_We spent the rest of the day showing Regina our favorite pieces of Storybrooke. Lounging in the sun, forgetting school and work and our parents at home. We felt alive and wanted, our time together felt boundless._

_..._

_The first day turned into weeks and countless nights. Many spent at the stables and each one bringing Daniel a step to closer to the one person I cared for the most. It had been nearly 5 days since I had last seen Regina and most of the ones before that were spent sharing her. Once people met her they couldn't get enough. She was proper and delicate but incredibly authentic and loved learning about others._

_The bible school had been over run with a nasty summer cold and the kids had nowhere else to stay during the day. So they brought them in and quarantined them off but the sickness still spread quickly. Regina spent all day caring for each one, reading stories and when they went home in the evenings she would stop by their homes bringing soup and small sweet treats. _

_But today I had a plan and was determined to get her alone, to revel in the company and conversation of each other. _

_I packed a nap sack of apples and peanut butter, honey and bread and a big canteen of iced tea. I swung the straps over each shoulder and pulled on my tall riding boots and was out the door. _

_Warm hands covered chocolate eyes and her breath seizes in her chest. My body wraps around her back close enough to feel the inhale of air catch in her throat. She turns in my arms, her hair running over my face filling me with her scent. "Oh Emma" she remarks her eyes alive and I can tell she has missed me as much as I her. She wraps her arms around my shoulders and words spill out " I've never missed you more until this moment when I finally got to see you again," she whispers her breath hot against my cheek. _

_It was others around us, my mother in this particular moment who could see how much we depended on each other. The love that culminated our every second spent together. Kathryn whispers to my mother "You see it too don't you?" and my mother could only nod slowly and softly. _

_"__Are you ready to bust out of this joint?" I chuckled pulling back to look at her, fingers moving slowly along her back. _

_"__Oh Emma I wish I could, but the children…" _

_"__Are covered" I cut in, I motioned over to my mother who wore a clouded almost sad look, she smiled gently in confirmation but it didn't quite reach her eyes. _

_"__Well what are we waiting for?" Another illuminating smile spreads across her face and her fingers intertwined with mine as we moved to the door. _

_…_

_I was dragging Regina down to the barn, I knew for a fact that Daniel wasn't working today so I wouldn't have to watch the nauseating display of him desperately throwing himself at her or watch her flirtations in response. _

_"__So you remember how the last time you where here and I made you climb the tree, and you had never done it before but you trusted me so you did it anyway?" I'm nervous so I look up to make sure she's listening _

_"__Of course," She confirms giving my hand a slight squeeze._

_"__And it was awesome and fun even though it turned out really horrible…and you got hurt and were bleeding… but I mean that is my favorite scar so maybe it was worth…." _

_"__Emma, you're rambling…" Regina stopped me. _

_"__Right well I guess, I just I wanted to do something today new and exciting with you, ya know together but I'm going to need you to trust me." I responded hoping it all made sense now. _

_Regina looked up at our destination, it's structure large and familiar a second home to us all summer. "Em, what's new about riding we're both very adept at it," Regina said confused. _

_"__Yeah but I was thinking today I could show you how to ride bareback, I know you're a proper lady and all that may seem wild but I thought we could do it… ya know together." _

_I knew Regina would feel nervous; she enjoyed mastery and control in every situation and this would be the opposite. I looked up when I heard her begin to speak. _

_"__You'll, will you, ride with me?" She asked her brave face on but her voice quivered just a bit. _

_"__Yeah it would take all day to teach ya and I wanted to take you somewhere and eat lunch, but if you want to ride alone I'm sure we can spend some time in the ring…" I responded_

_"__No that's perfect, I just wanted to know that you would be there," she said with a timid smile._

_"__Regina, I will always be there for you." I looked at her seriously trying to convey without words how much I truly meant that, to show her that she was my everything. _

_ "__Now come on Reggie I know one horse that's itchin for some of those sugar cubes you always slip him." I winked at her lightening the mood and she scoffed that I'd figured out her secret. _

_…_

_I sat on top of Diggory with Regina in front of me her back tucked as tightly to my front as possible. This had to be the most intimate position that we had ever wound up in. I was thankful for her being so petite, that my 13-year-old frame was big enough to envelope her into a safe embrace. _

_"__You ready?" I whispered in her ear. A shiver moved down her spine and I wrote it off on her nervousness, her fear of losing control. _

Looking back my thoughts were ironic, a fear of losing control might have been present but I think it had more to do with me and perhaps that whisper that made her back tingle and her stomach warm.

_Her head nodded slightly no words escaping from her, breath held tightly in. I moved Diggory into a walk and then began to soothe Regina. "Did I ever tell you that I used to despise horses? I thought they were these big hairy giants that would set out to crush me and that riding them was suicide, that they would just wait for the perfect moment to buck you. Then I began to ride and slowly I came to love everything, the movement, the power, and the wind in your hair. But just moments before trying to ride bareback for the first time I swear I was that small child again and all I wanted to do was sit in the dirt and cry. I got on the horse ya know, and I loved it so much more than I ever imagined and I dreaded the saddle after that." _

_I felt her body begin to loosen to relax back into my chest, felt the air move out and then fill up her lungs again. I pulled and Diggory moved into a trot, bouncing us slowly, her body still settling into the movement. _

_"__Riding like this is nothing I had ever known, when you ride- you and the horse are one, you can feel every movement right there between your legs holding tight, and you have this awareness you can feel what your horse wants his every intention and need. You communicate silently, caringly, saying that you understand what he needs and help him break free and yourself too. All the while supporting each other, running open and wild and you just don't get that anywhere else, not even from other people. There's just something beautiful about it ya know that kind of all-knowing love and communication." _

_I felt dumb, my mouth had been spilling out words to make her feel better to explain something that I loved and that I yearned to share with her, for her to understand too. _

_She turned back and looked at me her face soft, looking at me as though she was seeing me for the first time. " Do it Emma." _

_"__What?" I said breathless, every look she gave me made me feel that way. _

_"__Run, I want to feel that too…" she said pushing back into me to secure herself, body to body nothing in between. _

_I pushed Diggory to a gallop and off he took, the familiar surge of endorphins rushing forward, every feeling is heightened, our bodies push against each other as we gain speed and I hear a laugh of joy from Regina who's pressed to my front, the feeling of her body against mine is making me dizzy. It's all so overwhelming but I am eager to share this feeling with her, the openness, the power, a shock to the system. _

_We ride for what seems like hours, pushing every boundary. I see our destination and keep at it hard only to slow down right as we reach the bank of the river. No words are said, only heavy breaths as we dismount. I hold Regina's hand as she swings down and grips my other hand to balance. _

_She looks into my eyes and every emotion and feeling from the ride is still running high, coursing through our bodies. Making it hard to restrain myself as I look into her soul, wide open and uninhibited, she's never looked more beautiful than this moment, wind-tossed, rosy cheeked and her face moves closer to mine. Our eyes don't break until I grab her hand and pull us into the water below. _

_She comes up sputtering, gasping for air and laughing. I swore in that split second decision that she would be furious but her joy rings through the air throaty and full-bodied, the most addicting sound. She looks at me and swims forward pretending to look cross. _

_"__What?" I shrugged "I just thought we needed to cool off." My words are drowned out as my head is pushed below the water._

_…_

_Our bellies are full as we lay in the sun, boots stripped off, down to our under shirts and leggings. I'm lounging perpendicular to Regina my head resting on her stomach; I'm starting to become addicted to the feeling of her breath moving in and out. _

_Her fingers are running through my wet and tangled locks, scratching my scalp gently, a mind-numbing movement that calms me immensely. _

_"__Emma, today was wonderful. I don't know if I've ever felt so full."_

_"__Full of what- honey and bread?" I ask though I know she is eluding at something more. Her final words from her last trip still ring in my head- she didn't think anyone had ever loved her before. _

_"__No, I don't know anything- everything really, just emotions. Thank you for sharing this with me." She says sincerely_

_"__This was all I wanted really, just some time you and me, I missed us." _

_"__You know when I was gone Emma I really did think you everyday, my little ugly duckling that I knew one day would grow into a swan." _

_"__I'm no swan." I replied_

_"__No, not yet but I can't wait to be there to see it." Her words so earnest, reflecting her feeling of fullness, contentedness. Fingers moving to stroke my cheek softly, running across every line of my face and the smooth planes of my lips. _

_Her words spoke of a future that I ached so deeply to have, her presence was taking up a place in my soul and merging with my blood, becoming a part of my self and my purpose. _

_…_

_Our day was perfect because it seemed to be the promise of more; we were living desperately, completely, unbounded. _

_We rode back slowly, soaking in every moment. It was so very different from our exhilarating ride out but just as cherished in a matchless way. Regina's hands rested upon mine our fingers curling together into the mane. Back to chest, warmth-to-warmth I was overwhelmed with an inexpressible feeling as we rode into the stables._

_We worked in tandem brushing out Diggory, giving him water and of course Regina slipping him an apple from my satchel. The overwhelming feeling described only as warmth that surrounded us continued to run high, an atmosphere I never wanted to let go. _

_The sun was sinking, a day well spent. "Thank you for being here, for being you, for trusting me." I said as I grabbed Regina's hand and her head tilted like it had right before I plunged us into the water, the air felt heavy. _

_"__Come to dinner tonight…"_

_She took a step back as her eyes shot open wide. "Oh dinner, I completely forgot" and she started gathering her things like a mad woman. The heavy atmosphere had dissipated. _

_"__Reggie wait slow down, what's going on road runner?"_

_"__Dinner I forgot dinner!?" Regina said exasperated _

_"__I'm confused, it's fine you can eat a my house, our I'm sure Belle made something…" _

_"__No it's, um" she looked to the ground scuffed the dirt and began to look guilty_

_She began to mumble words I had dreaded for weeks, a twinge in my gut, nausea, anger, helplessness. _

_"__Daniel, he- I'm well, I have a date with Daniel." She stated bashfully_

_My dreams shattered like the nothingness that they were, I felt absurd, groundless, and livid, so I ran. Despite the yelling of my over used thighs and the heaviness in my chest. Reality was yelling at me that she would never be mine and so I had to escape, to get away from __**her**__._

_Unknown that there was a girl alone, in a stable, with tears in her eyes. _


	5. The Beginning: Part II

_A/N Yay back with more of their history! This one has a bit more of their romantic pairing so hope you enjoy!_

**Still 7 Years Ago**

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><p><em>Everyone has defining moments in their lives, things that push us, that characterize us that make us stand up for what we believe in and the week following Regina's date with Daniel was the polar opposite for me. It was a week of reckless decisions, drunken words of hate and fear, and overall avoiding her at all costs. But for Regina it was exactly that a week of development, of finding her voice and this led me to drunkenly discovering a huffy, stubborn, and bold Regina waiting on my porch in the middle of the night. <em>

The Regina I found waiting for me was the vague formation of the now mature and regal woman that graces Storybrooke instead of the shy and overly sweet young girl I was familiar with.

_As I stumbled towards the steps of my parent's home I thought of the sweaty palm that I had allowed to roughly handle my face just hours before, the smell of his foul drunken breath that felt stifling on my lips and the one lucid moment that gave me the strength to push him away before it was too late. No alternative was worthy no matter how much whiskey I decided to imbibe. _

_As I approached I saw a hazy figure sitting ramrod straight, arms crossed over her chest, looking particularly unforgiving, which of course my drunken brain couldn't perceive. As well in my intoxicated state my inhibitions were significantly lower and my problems were all forgotten as I approached the subject of my weeklong ruminations. A goofy and delighted smile spread across my face and I slung an arm clumsily over Regina's shoulder my head collapsing onto her and my nose working its way into her neck. _

_" 'Gina" I said sluggishly my current state not allowing much more. _

_This Regina was unforgiving and had been priming for attack mode for who knows how long. _

_"Miss Nolan" if you would refrain from approaching me with your mangy head and sullied breath I would appreciate it." Pushing my head off her shoulder mercilessly. _

_"This is what was better than me? Acting like a hooligan, rolling around in the dirt like a common pig and getting belligerent?" Her voice not hinting at sadness but pure and strong disapproval_

_"I jus- I jus- didn't wanna hafta watch ya slobber all over his face and him make those stupid googly eyes all the time" My words running together and my body still falling lazily over itself. _

_"It hurts somethin' bad" I moped to no one in particular as I resigned to curling up into fetal position on my porch. _

_My head perks up at an unexpected sound. Laughter. Any trace of anger vanished._

_"Oh Emma that's what this is all about? And here I thought you grew tired of me. Daniel he has nothing more than a sweet little crush that's all." She says brushing it off and rolling her eyes. _

_"But he lurves you, I think" I say scratching my head confused at the words spilling out of her mouth. _

_"I know but Daniel's infatuation is just a bit of fun, it's nice to know someone adores you from time to time." She makes it sound like no big deal, brushing over the fact that she is pulling on heartstrings. _

_"Wait so yur jus' bein polite, even wif- the date?" My brain's slow processing was not helping me out with this conversation _

_"More like playing along, it's rude for a lady not to receive a man's charms without grace." Regina's upperclass side coming out, smiling like she's proud of his won affections. _

_"But- but- you can't, your not supposed to do that." I get out inelegantly _

_"What do you mean Emma?" She's playing with my hair now, I'm still huddled in ball and her nails scrape my scalp ever so gently. Her comments, this conversation has put me on edge. Was this how she perceived me as well? A charming little puppy dog that just pursued her affections and nothing more, I let my frustrations seep out and I sit up suddenly. _

_"No Regina you can't play with people like that." My words ringing out surprisingly clear._

_"But you didn't even like Daniel talking to me it seemed, why are you so upset?" Her head has titled and the vein her forehead is becoming visible her confusion and frustration evident. _

_"Em I just want to spend more time with y-"_

_My mind was on one steep, rambling, dejected track and nothing else was getting through _

_"No. No. No you can't do that Regina. We're not your play things."_

_I got up and stomped into the house and up to my room, once again leaving a bewildered Regina in my wake. _

_This time though she didn't retreat. Maybe there was something brewing deep inside Regina that she didn't fully recognize yet. The week of reflection seemed to have created a determination that brought her to my home. Determined not to let me brush her off, determined to see me, to be near me, and though the original instigation may have changed she would not go until the problem had been settled. My drunken frustration had not weakened her resolve; she entered the house quietly and ascends the stairs._

_Her shoes are stripped and left by the door and she slips under the sheets, sleepovers at my house not unfamiliar. But this time she rests her body behind mine-, which had currently resumed the fetal position it was in on the porch- and sweeps the hair away from my face, and in the last moments before I drift off I feel her lips settle softly against my forehead. _

_…_

_Sun tinged my eyelids orange, alerting me of a new day and a hot one at that, heat seeping through my blankets and into the clothes I forgot to change out of. As my brain awakens I begin to notice the heat is due in part to a body wrapped around mine, I rub my eyes a turn to take in an angelic Regina lying in my bed. Open, vulnerable, never had I gotten to admire her this close, she was always the first one to rise._

_Her chest moves softly up and down, I take in her same clothes from last night and I know this is probably the firstime she has ever forgone her nightly routine or at least changing into nightwear. The sun is glinting off her hair and my eyes roam her faces, her smooth skin, long eyelashes, and the light scar on her upper lip, which I reach out touch. _

_My emotions are running high and they feel overwhelming, how could her mother ever tell her she was not beautiful and how could anyone look upon her face and not feel joy and love. Guilt knots in my stomach for the words I said, the fear that creeped up and released itself in a wave of anger. You know what Daniel was. He was someone that made her feel special that held her high as if she was crystal, perfect and easily shattered. She had never felt that and she may have seemed haughty about it all but deep down it was the scared girl inside her that was cheering and felt reconfirmed due to his attentions. _

_I don't feel the soft rolling tears on my warm cheeks until steady hands reach to wipe them away. My face inches from Regina's and I look up to see her mocha eyes are open and full of reverence like she knows my every thought, that wish away the pain she has had to endure. _

_She says nothing as she wraps an arm around my back and tangles a hand in my short locks combing through them. Her face moves towards mine and she kisses each cheek where a glistening tear track lays. _

_"Regina I'm sorry for last night. I understand I do-I was just feeling a lot I guess. I would never, could never give up on you, I want you to know that." _

_The whispering thought that all she needs- someone not to give up on her for once, it surrounds us. We were two people who were so different, that should have never met but staring into each others eyes we felt like we were the only two people that could ever understand each other in this world. In my room, curled into each other the words we left unspoken rang louder than any word that had ever been said._

_And Regina's lips finished their trek at the corner of my lips. _

_…_

_Regina and Daniel's relationship developed into nothing more than friendship and I found that I loved hanging out with two of my favorite people, both of us united by our determination to drag Regina to a deep woods party. _

_Me, well I was not any closer to admitting my deep undying love for a certain brunette._

_Time began to move on like it tends to do. Summer was growing hotter, the days grew longer and tendrils of sun could be seen until nearly 9 by the end of July. August meant there were only a few weeks left with Regina who would return home come September. _

_The whole town was gathered down at the stables and it's a day like any other Sunday. Music fills the air and a table is overflowing with food gathered for the potluck dinner. The sun is high in the sky and Daniel is working on sattling up the horses because we all volunteered to take the little ones on a guided ride around the grounds. _

_Ruth is damn near throwing a hissy fit. Turns out we're a little more similar than I thought and she views the horse as a big 'ole scary beast as well. But it's not the firm encouragements of Daniel but the sweet words, warm arms and steady encouragements from Regina that get her on the pony. That woman can talk a Nolan into anything I'm quickly learning. _

_My parents watch from afar with the gentle care that Regina speaks to little Ruthie and how she teaches her all the parts of the saddle and tells her silly stories about her learning how to ride; their laughter bubbles in the air. She's a natural with kids we had all seen it, but with my little sister it pulls at my heart and theirs all the more. _

_The day has gotten later, the food nearly all gone, the parents continue their socializing and all us young adults and even the little kids gather around to watch the boys show off their riding skills. Taking jumps higher and higher, whipping around barrels and hay bales. It's like any other day we mess around at the stables but Regina and I are too lazy lounging in the grass, Ruthie tucked up tight against Regina's chest as she strokes her back. Our hands propping us up in grass our fingers intermingled as we sit close. _

_Daniel sets up the last and final jump of the evening, the highest he has come to master yet. I look to Regina; it's the golden hour as we call it when the light is perfect just before sunset and it makes everything look heavenly. I can't help staring at her unable to tear my eyes away. I only have a few more weeks of this view and I'm taking it all in while I can. _

_My brain is telling me I should say something, tell her how I feel and I'm getting more and more encouraged each day. She glances at me and smiles a quick and ever peaceful smile. One that leaves me breathless, that smile will be my death. But her eyes are back on Daniel and I see her breath catch in her chest and I know he's taking off. _

_I look up to see him wide eyes, open smile, sailing over the jump with no other care in the world._

_But his glory is fleeting and quickly everything around me is obscured and the sounds and screams are there but completely muffled. My thighs are pushing me towards Daniel, the crack that rang out echoing in my head._

_The horse's body has rolled off of him but he lays unmoving his neck turned sickly and inhumanly to the side. I hit the ground pulling my lap under his head, I touch his neck but I feel nothing, no clear thumping and churning of blood. _

_There's blood but I can't tell where it comes from but the smell makes me nauseous and I turn away just in time to retch onto the ground. A hand rubs my back as my heaving subsides and I'm being pulled away. _

_Sound begins to resurface and I hear a wailing cry above it all and I realize that it's coming from me. My face is pressed into the shoulder but I can't breathe, I can't stop the sounds and the tears, they pour out of me unrestrained. I held my friend, my big brother's lifeless body in my arms and there was nothing I could do. _

_I pull my head up and I'm met with watery russet eyes. She touches her forehead to mine and we cry together, faces close inhaling and exhaling the same air. We cry for the loss of a friend, an admirer, a family member, and our indestructible youth. _

_**Back then this felt like the end of the world, the loss of our invincibility, the realization that anyone could be gone in a mere matter of seconds. But it wasn't the end; it was the beginning of living. **_

_Our tears began to subside and she cleaned off my cheek as I wiped at hers. The meaning of both our denial was lost as well this day, realization that our time was fleeting. Any doubts I had that Regina loved me the same were washed away when our eyes met again. Because her eyes spoke exquisite words, words that said "The only thing that could keep me from you is death itself."_

_…_

_"We should throw a party." Is the first thought said aloud, as my friends gather, except this time we're one short._

_"I thought we are supposed to mourn or something" Neal says._

_"Well I was thinking…" I say_

_"Wow big moves Emma, don't hurt yourself too much." Red says jokingly._

_"Well I just don't think that Daniel would want us moping all over the place that wasn't his style. Come on he threw the best parties Storybrooke has ever seen and hell he gave each one of us our first sip of alcohol. We should celebrate him not mourn him." _

_I'm a little nervous saying my idea aloud. But not a single tear or sad thought about Daniel had passed through my head since that day. Any time I stopped to think of him it was always something fun or wild and exciting because that's who Daniel was._

_"I think Emma's right." Regina spoke in agreement._

_"Regina Mills agreeing to a party, I must be going crazy," Killian jabs._

_Regina had denied every invitation to come to a party all summer usually using the church camp as an excuse but occasionally Belle as well. But here she was agreeing…_

_"One of my favorite authors once wrote that when a friend dies it is fate bestowing upon us a type of double life- the we live not for just ourselves but our friend's life is lived in our own as well. I think this is what he meant," she says succinctly, giving my hand a squeeze in a show of support._

_"Well if Regina thinks so then I agree," Says Graham._

_"Alright, how about Saturday?" August asks._

_"Okay sounds good, normal spot but spread the word to the others, it's not just about us but everyone who loved Daniel," I say._

_We all part each one of us playing our part to get ready for the party in just a few days. Regina saddles up to my side and we begin to walk to her house, dropping her off safe like usual._

_"Regina you know you don't have to come, I appreciate the support but I know you feel uncomfortable," I say understandingly._

_"No Emma I know this has been hard, none of us have ever been close with someone who died, and I want to be there for everyone as well." She says nervously not sure if she is still viewed as an outsider, but she is anything but._

_"Plus I trust you Emma, I'm 17 I suppose it's time that I try some alcohol."_

_I laugh because she is a bit behind everyone in Storybrooke but there's also a part of me that wants to keep her sweet and naive because our parties can be anything but._

_"Regina everyone wants you there they just haven't wanted to make you feel pressured, trust me. But I promise I'll be with you every step of the way and make sure you don't do anything stupid," I throw a wink her way._

_…_

_Saturday brought dozens of people out into the woods to a blazing fire not far from the riverbank. The absence of his presence was overwhelming at first. He was the big mingler, talking to anyone and everyone driving the party atmosphere._

_But cups of whiskey were passed around and a toast raised to Daniel and all he meant to each one of us, conversations wrought with favorite memories and stories._

_I could feel Regina slightly shaking beside me her nerves running wild. Her gaze enamored with the brown liquid that sloshed in her cup._

_'Nothing's gonna happen if you just stare at," I joked._

_She looked up shocked and bit her lip._

_'Whenever your ready Regina or if not at all, we'll do it together." I said holding off my first sip of the night for her._

_"Okay I'm ready," she says bringing the cup to her lips, her nose wrinkling at the smell. I raise my cup and we take a sip while staring eye to eye._

_Her face squishes and gets a sour look "That is just awful, why do you drink that?" she says horrified._

_"You have to keep drinking to find out," I say sassily "but I brought you something to help out with that."_

_I pull out a glass bottle that was filled with coca cola from the soda fountain at Granny's. I uncap it and pour a gracious amount into her cup. "Now try" I say._

_She brings the cup up nervously once more, but to my pleasant surprise she doesn't grimace as it goes down this time._

_"Better, still a little foul but it will do," she replies._

_One cup becomes three and I gently tell Regina that we have had enough for now. Her body sways side to side as she dances with no music, I grab her hand and Ruby's as well and we twirl and dance until the dizziness wears us down. We spend a good half of the night playing poker and discover Regina is surprisingly good at bluffing. Her body is always close to mine, fingers intertwined with mine, a hand on my hip or my lower back, always moving closer. Red and Reggie bond over a bathroom break in the deep woods, they come back bent over in laughter swearing they saw a wolf just looking for a peep show._

_The night deepens and the couples begin to pair off like they do every time. I usually sneak away or hang out with Tink, she doesn't have anyone special either. I'm just not ready for any of that so I never want a guy to catch me too vulnerable._

_But this night I have someone to slip away with, Regina and I have had a couple beers and so the buzz is back on and we're making our way to the secluded riverbank. Regina dips her toe in and must be satisfied because she begins to strip off her dress._

_"Regina, what do you think your doing?!" I asked alarmed._

_"Well I can't very well swim in this it'll weigh me down." She replies like it's the most obvious thing in the world._

_"And why are we going swimming?" I ask dumbily as I watch her pull off the dress and she's now standing only in her under things._

_"Because I think you need to cool off," She says saucily, throwing back my words from our last swim._

_I laugh and begin to strip off my overshirt and pants and join her in the cool water she dove into. We spend hours splashing each other and swimming all over the place like fools._

_I swim up to the shore and settle down just my feet in the water. Regina approaches and sits down next to me._

_"I feel great, the best I've ever." She says slightly slurred. I'm staring at a wet Regina looking the least put together I've ever seen her, her undergarments practically see through and her eyes a little glossy from the alcohol._

_"I bet you do, see you've always been the good girl, but the wild side can be a bit fun too." Regina giggles and slings her arm around my shoulder._

_"What is your mom gonna say when she sees us drunk Emma?" Smiling at the thought._

_"You don't always have to worry about what people think Regina." I say honestly and she turns to look at me._

_She's smiling as her other arm comes to wrap around my neck as well and there's no where for me to grab but her hips._

_And then she s does something so irrational. So not-Regina. Without a care in the world. She kisses me._

_It's chaste at first and she pulls back to look me in the eye and she is still smiling that goofy smile. "That was my first," she said._

_"Kiss?" I asked and her head nods. I guess I 'd always assumed with Daniel and all the other boys so smitten that she had had many kisses. But no the privilege was mine, her first kiss._

_"Me too." I whisper my voice scratchy and this renews her vigor._

_Our lips meet again and this time it's not as soft, it's rougher and sloppier, her tongue moves into my mouth and it's unlike anything I've ever experiences. I'm addicted to her and I can't get enough. We draw back for a breath and then plunge under again, our hands begin to roam up sides, over breasts just lightly mapping out, not moving any further. When we part we giggle and smile and her hand moves down to grab mine and squeezes._

_"I thought I was supposed to stop you from doing anything stupid." I whisper._

_"This isn't stupid, it was inevitable." She whispers against my lips._


	6. The End of the Beginning

**A/N** Sorry it has been a while, school craziness. This update is pretty heart breaking and will catch us up to the present day and take us out of the three consecutive chapters of history. Remember the italics are flashback and the end in non italicized is present.

I also really appreciate any reviews!

* * *

><p><strong>7 Years Ago<strong>

_Every spare moment is spent together for the rest of the summer. Innocent kisses mingled with laughter, affection that was sweet and perfect, not rushing into anything we may later regret. _

_Nights we spent wrapped in each other's arms and noses nuzzled under chins. I spend less nights gambling and drinking and more days at the church just to be near her. This makes the town see Regina as nothing short of a miracle worker, reforming Emma Nolan was a feat no one had been able to manage not even my parents. _

_We continue to ignore Regina's upcoming departure and instead revel in each stolen moment. But it's late August and though I try to not keep a countdown the number is etched into my brain: 2 weeks. Fourteen Days. 840 minutes. _

_Her mother has yet to send any details and I'm hoping the words never find their way and that she can instead stay forever. Though that wish is unfeasible there have been whispers and promises in the night of a return. _

_We each have one year of schooling left at our respective schools. Regina has spoken to Belle and my mother of moving to Storybrooke to be a teacher. Even Mr. Gold said he would try and persuade Cora, that he could set Regina up on the "right side of town" if she so wishes._

_Fingers crossed, prayers made into the night, dandelions blown, and a million wishes on a million stars enforce the want of a future that is ours. _

…

_I drag Regina through the middle of town possessed by my newest thought, one last thing that we must do before she leaves. We come to a stop in front of the very tree where our first words were spoken._

"_A few years ago, I told you this was my tree and you said to make my claim my name needed to be written on it." I look to Regina expectantly to see if she catching on. _

"_Yes…" she replied confused brown scrunching_

"_Well this, you and me I want to put my claim on it, and there is not better spot than right here." _

"_Oh Emma it's perfect!" she exclaims, throwing her arms around my shoulders._

_With knife in hand I begin to carve the name Regina into the trunk, deep so that it will be easily spotted. I pass the knife to Regina her hand shaking; she elegantly carves my name next to hers. No hearts or arrows or forever because they are not needed this is for us, a permanent place to ingrain our forever. _

_Regina runs her fingers over the curves of each letter "It wont be long until I see these words again" A promise, once again made, a wish that can only be fulfilled if it is released into the universe. _

…

_There have been words itching at the back of my throat that have been urging their way forward with each second that I behold her beauty. I felt powerless to stop them; deeper and stronger than anything I had felt before. _

_The night air was heavy with humidity and impossibly still, the sky open, moon shining bright, the fireflies danced all around as we lay out in the tall grass by the river. Neither one of us had spoken a word, shoulder touching shoulder, fingers intertwined. _

_I could feel her pulse in time with my own, steadily drumming between our joined hands, slightly faster than normal. But that's what it was like to be with Regina, constantly warm and tingly, heart beating fast, joy spilling over and no way to suppress the emotional overload. _

_Regina squeezed my hand like she knew my thoughts were racing and was just urging me to release them._

"_Regina, I gotta tell you something." _

"_Hmm" she replies completely relaxed, content_

"_This may be stupid and I know we talk about you coming back here and all, and we're best friends and like spending time together and well we hold hands and we kiss…"_

_I could feel myself blushing because we never really did talk about it and just thinking about Regina's lips made my ears get hot._

_I turn to look her in the eyes and her once drooping eyes are now alert and shining._

"_I know we don't tell people and that we're real young but Regina I gotta tell you because I'm always thinking it and it's so real for me, I love you." _

_She smiles and her eyes get glassy and she leans over to give me a kiss._

"_I know Emma." _

"_You do?" I asked, not knowing if she thought of this as serious as I did. _

"_Yes Emma I love you too, no matter what anyone else thinks." She moves her hand up to my chest until it rests over my heart._

"_The only thing I need in this world is right here, your heart, and your love is everything." _

_She lays her head on my chest and we wake the next day in the same place, words of love buzzing through the air. Unspoken words voiced, promises secured in words of love, assurance that it's all real and good and strong. _

…

_A week later I'm lounging in my room when a soft knock is sounded on my door. _

"_Emma, Regina is here to see you." But I can tell something is off my mother's voice isn't as boisterous and normally Regina would walk right in, so I answer the door confused unsure of what awaits on the other side. _

_The door swings open and my mother looks apologetic, sad almost and she steps out the way and proceeds down the hallway. _

_Regina is standing pressed against the wall as if she can't stand on her own, with tears streaming down her face but not making a sound, arms wrapped around her middle like they're trying to keep her together. Her tears are big and fat and rolling, cleaning the makeup that is not usually present off her face. _

"_Regina?" I step towards her wary and confused. Her body falls into my arms engulfing me, taking both of us to our knees. _

"_Emma" she whispers over and over each time more broken. Fifteen full minutes pass until she sits and begins to wipe her tears away. _

"_Regina what's going on?" Her eyes search my face, more than that they linger too long, like putting it to memory and my question goes unanswered for longer than comfortable. _

"_Let's move into your room. Can I use you wash basin to clean myself up a bit?" she responds _

_We move into my room and in silence she cleans herself up, picking up all her broken pieces, meticulously wiping at her face and when she turns she is a new girl: all traces of her breakdown almost imperceptible. _

"_Regina whatever it is, you can tell me, we'll figure it out." I beg her with my eyes to tell my what was happening, why I felt like I was standing on the track of an oncoming train. _

"_I'm leaving Emma." Cold and callous, there is no emotion behind these words her eyes search the room looking near my face but not exactly at it. _

"_I know but we still have a whole week, did your mom finally send word about going back to school?" Questions, digging for an answer to the emotionless being in front of me. _

"_No, I'm leaving tomorrow." Regina responds still avoiding my eyes. _

"_What, I thought we had time?! I mean is this what you were upset about? It's okay we can spend the rest of the evening together and then we can write each other and you'll be back before you know it!" I'm rambling trying to make the best of an awful situation, a whole 7 days stolen away. _

" _Emma," her voice cracks and then becomes hard once more "Mother has written to me and she wishes for my last weeks of the summer to begin my introduction into society." _

"_So what exactly does that mean Regina?" I could tell this was more than just a few weeks of fancy parties, it meant so much more. _

"_It means that I will start being introduced to potential suitors, mother believes it is time for me to begin to consider marriage. I don't think I will be coming back to Storybrooke." Each word calculated, precise, barely holding her together. I couldn't understand why she wouldn't want me to know how she was feeling. _

_This is when the dam began to break my worry turned into devastating anxiety, abandonment, and fear of losing the one thing that made me feel anything. Words wouldn't come forth and she seemed to have nothing more to offer. _

"_But-but you promised, we promised…" I choke out, my heart pounding and not for its usual reason. "Why would you want to look at any of these uhhh-suitors?" _

"_Because I have to marry, have a man love me and be a proper woman in society, and a proper woman according to mother does not need a job but a husband." This time she dares to look me in the eye and I shatter to pieces because these aren't the glimmering eyes of a girl in love that I had grown to know. _

"_I love you" I stated "You don't need a man to love you because I love you" my voice growing loud and angry, yelling, desperate "You love me, we're enough, you love me, you're coming back to me." My words tearing through the air vicious, broken, and portraying my all-encompassing need. _

"_Emma, I'm going to marry I have to." She mentions nothing of our love, no denying but also no confirmation, nothing like the words I've heard over the last month._

"_No, no, no you love me- you know you do" My words are quickly turning from anger, and with every confirmation of her betrayal, turning to hate. _

_I don't know what intimidated her what made her change her mind and put up defenses, we knew our future would be a hard one not one that everyone would accept, but we always said that having each other was enough. _

"_You can't listen to your mother Regina or what your Boston society wants, we're enough remember just me and you, you have my heart all of it you know it, it's yours no matter what." I was crying, bending in half, falling to my knees, prepared to beg and plead._

" _But I do care what society thinks and they want me to marry," she states resolutely. I was done, she was breaking our promise and there was nothing more for me here. All I felt was pure fire, her words felt like a denial of everything we ever said or felt. _

_I looked up from my broken place on the ground. _

"_Get out." I said in a tone that Regina had never heard, harsh and unflinching._

_Her faced was shocked, close to breaking; she didn't move a hair and this made me furious. I stood, gathering all the little broken pieces along the way. _

"_Go, leave, I hate you" I was suffering, it all felt unbearable, building to a yell once again "I hate you…" I yelled, filling the room. _

_She moved to touch my shoulders as tears overwhelmed my face "Don't touch me, I hate you and I never want to see you again, just leave" tearing her hands away from my body and pushing her back. _

"_Em-"_

"_No- you did this, I can't look at you," I yell. _

"_Please just, I'm sorry" she tries almost begging, seeing me this way is defeating her as well. She thought putting feelings aside would make this easier, there was no getting around her mother. _

"_Did you not hear me? I said leave!" I pick up a glass dish from the bureau and throw it at the wall, scattering into hundreds of tiny pieces like the two people in this room. _

_She runs from the room and the last thing I see is her back retreating before I tear apart my room, leaving nothing untouched, desperation, anguish, all consuming fury is all I can recognize until it simmers into a numbness and haze that never seems to dissipate even for years to come. _

…

_A large part of me knew it was all for show, she was being forced away and didn't know how to deal or cope. The hopes she had were torn from her without a second glance. But a part of me could not overcome the doubt, the fear that it all meant nothing to her that the dreams she had with me and Storybrooke she didn't really need so she was leaving them behind. Every whispered wish and every promise's worth extending no further than the one second they were said aloud. _

_But something, the whole of me that loved her, the part that was desperate to say- no had to say goodbye, drug me to her window. _

_I pulled myself onto the roof and up to her window, which unlike normal was open. That open window alone indicated the part of her that wished to stay to love me, subconscious or not that window was left open for me. _

_I pulled my body through the window as quiet as possible, I didn't come to speak or to seek forgiveness. She had her chance to soak me in one last time. I spent hours just staring at her face, reveling in her smell, holding myself back from waking her up with a kiss. _

_When fingertips of light ghosted across the room, I turned my back and left, no turning back and no indication that I had ever come. _

_I ran, I ran straight into the woods, to the river and into the arms of Jack Daniels who would rock me into a calm and lull me to a blissful dead to the world sleep. _

_And when I awoke there no light or sound, there was nothing but numbness in my soul and a stone feeling in my gut that I may never see her face again. _

_..._

How could she be here in Storybrooke. I had spent years trying to write her off as a childhood crush, to believe that I was born with this numbness and that it wasn't due to her. Yet from the moment my senses were filled with her once again the world came alive and even Ruby and a bottle of whiskey couldn't stop the aching near my ribs and the desperate rhythm resounding that said: love me, love me, love me.


End file.
